i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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