I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
