she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
