For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
