so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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