She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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