I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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