If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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