You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
