all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
