I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
