he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
