Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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