somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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