Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Be still, my beating vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
