And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
