sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
