Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
