You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
