I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
