i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
