Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Quick, to the slutcave!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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