I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
