My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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