So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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