3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
