This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
