She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
