She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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