I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
