White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize