hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
