1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
