why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
