I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
