I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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