I heard we made out
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
