i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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