So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
