holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
