This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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