I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
