I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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