Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
