if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
