Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
