Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
