My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
