i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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