maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize