Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
