i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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