I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
