I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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