I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize