Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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