you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
