Small penises have feelings too.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
