I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
