Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
