I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
