My liver just broke up with me...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
