I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize