ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize