i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
