Where did you get a picture of my penis
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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