U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
